I’ve been working on my arousal problem. I don’t have any problems with orgasms, it’s just feeling turned on. This might not seem like a huge deal, but I’m used to sensuality being part of every facet of my life.
I was aroused by all manner of things: sounds—music and more: a bell tone, crystal clear and sharp, the sound of the sea on sand; touch, of course—the soles of my feet in new sandals, my fingertips on glass; sight—beyond bodies: the curl of a wave onto another, light on water, sharp edges against a summer sky. Now I’m not, and that is an incalculable loss.
I’ve been struggling to find things that turn me on. Porn surely wouldn’t, but I tried it anyway. No dice. Erotica was nice, but honestly, so much of it is bad, and while the ones that I bought were much better in terms of quality, I still didn’t get turned on.
Fantasies are hard to think of when you’re not very interested in anything. I’m running out of ideas. That might be the problem. When everything turned you on before, where do you look when nothing seems to? Is it really like a needle in a haystack? How do people cope when there’s only certain things that can arouse them?